My name is Comilla and I have type 3 diabetes. And I also have a disease that makes it so you can't feel any part of your body. I don’t need your pity. I know I'm pathetic, too bad. I come from a hard family that abuses me. Yes, it’s true I have too many problems, but somehow I know I'll die one day. I know you’re crying by now, poor thing, you pathetic person.
I hate water and I can't drink due to diabetes. I also have a disease that gives seizures every few hours. This one time I was eating and had a seizure. (I can’t eat much due to diabetes). The reason I can’t feel any part of my body is because I was crushed by a crane. I was on a Disney cruise and had a seizure and then Mickey Mouse pushed me off the ship. Sadly I didn’t die like I hoped I would. There were doctors that jumped off and saved me. I then attempted to file a lawsuit against the doctors, but lost and lost a few thousand dollars.
Then one time I went to chucky cheese and got chunked. I am only 26!. Then they threw me out the back door of the kitchen and Gordon Ramsay was about to punch the head chef for not knowing how to make steak cooked medium rare. He saw me and said, “Get out you fat yankee dankee piece of crap”. So I pulled out a glock and robbed a smoke shop for one pack of cigarettes. I might have taken 2 or 12 I can’t remember.
A few years ago I was in the White House for our class trip and had an “issue”. I started seizing and nobody knew what to do. The president walked out and I sprayed blue spray paint in his hair and made him look like a smurf. I then stopped seizing and got up and slapped the president. The president then called the secret service and they started shooting me, but they missed all their shots.
Did I ever tell you about Little Timmy one day I was having one of my seizures. It was perfectly normal and then little Timmy was walking by and started laughing. Then he saw that I was watching and ran off. The next day when he came by he came up to me and tried to punch me. Then I knocked him out and made him run on a treadmill at full speed till he passed out.
Once I was at the beach feeding seagulls then I ran out of food. The seagulls got mad at me and chased me into the water. And I had a big seizure flopping around squealing then little Timmy saw me then threw rocks at me and had two big seizures then I wanted to die but mean man saved my life so I shot him in the foot he said stupid lady and slapped me. I spit on him then ran to my tiny car and drove off.
A couple years ago I went to a hibachi grill and During the middle of when the chef was talking I had a seizure and my face slapped on the grill. I still have a grill mark on my face. Since I have such a big mouth because of diabetes. Doctors are still trying to get shrimp out of me. Then Gordon Ramsay was beating up a chef In then he shoved his face on the grill until he quit his day job and worked at Best Buy
I decided one day to go somewhere I’ve never gone to before I went to meijor. To buy some new drugs, toys and a new desert eagle. I hear people at the store are nice. Nope they screamed monster one through a cash register at me I squealed had a seizure fell in my cart rolled over some people then rolled into the bathroom got my head stuck in the toilet I had a seizure so I was flopping around then accidentally flushed it shot me out I flew out the window landed on someone’s car I stole that car.
Last week I got a job as a pizza driver. I heard that people got robbed by doing that, so I bought a LMG for this. It turned out I was not even driving but cleaning the toilets. I had a seizure and I almost drowned in the toilet which had a little surprise in it. I was disgusted. I pulled out my LMG, stole a car, and shot the owner multiple times sadly he lived.
One day. I went to visit the Amish. They seemed like nice people but I WAS WRONG. As soon as they saw me they started chucking spears at me and screaming BE GONE, THOT!! Just for that I stole all of their cheese. Then I took a flamethrower and burnt their houses. Then a little dwarf ran up to me and punched me. I shot him.
After a long day of killing dwarfs and stealing cheese, I went to Lowe’s to pick up stronger materials to hold little Timmy down on the treadmill. Then I had another seizure and knocked a bucket of bleach on an employee. He got mad. He shoved me down and dumped all the tide pods on me. Then he pushed a shelf full of lawn mowers on me. I didn’t die like I hoped I would but I had 2 broken ribs and a concussion. I swallowed a tide pod and the doctor said that all I had to do was cough the tide pod up.
This one time I was hungry and wanted a snack. I lost my job at the pizza place, so I grabbed my 22 mm and left for the local speedway. They didn’t have much there. Even their workers were older models if you know what I mean. Anyways I stole some smokes and jumped in my Ferrari that I stole. For some reason the police started chasing me. Luckily they were in priuses, so they didn’t go very fast. Luckily I had kidnapped someone who I forgot about. I told them to grab the 22 and start shooting. He wasn’t a very good shot, but he managed to take out two of the police. Later that day I had a seizure while smoking. I swallowed the smoke completely. Now whenever I breathe, smoke comes out.
After finding no food at the speedway I went to a subway and it was TERRIBLE. I ordered a sub. So I had to use the bathroom and I lost my flex tape there. So I pulled out my Deagle and shot the cardboard cutout of Phil Swift, and if that was terrible. I GOT CHUNKED AGAIN. WHY IS IT EVERY TIME I GO TO A RESTAURANT I GET CHUNKED. I filed a lawsuit on them but I lost. So I ate a Hamster.
2 days after the lawsuit I was still hungry and didn’t want to get chunked again so I just ate a hamster. Sadly I couldn’t eat it because it was a city hamster so it was Fat. When the hamster was halfway down my throat and I had a BIG seizure. So I am rolling around on the ground squealing with a fat hamster crawling out of my mouth. Then it bit my nose. I accidentally terrified a guy that was delivering a package. He saw me and tazed me. Then little Timmy woke up so I put him in the freezer.
After I put Timmy in the freezer I was tired. Then I heard a knock at the door. For some strange reason I could hear a faint British accent, and a lot of cussing. Then I knew who it was… Gordon Ramsay. One day he came up to me and asked for a hot dog and I burnt it. I could hear him breaking down the door with a sledgehammer. So I pulled Timmy and threw him in front of me so I could escape. Poor Timmy got beat up with that sledgehammer so many times. Then Gordon locked him in my oven and put It on 350 degrees. After he left poor Timmy was half roasted. So I put him back on the treadmill. Then I walked outside to be hit by a brick that said “WHERE'S THE LAMB SAUCE” on it.
The next day I went to visit the Amish again. Don’t worry, I brought my LMG. But anyways the little dwarf that I shot ran up to me so I suffocated him in a garbage bag and threw him in a truck. The Amish saw me do that. They saw me and screamed DEVIL! Be gone. Then they hung me with a noose. It broke because everything they made was cheap. Then I burnt one of them with a flamethrower.
A couple weeks ago I tried online dating and I found this one guy named Petey. He has seizures like I do and hates water. The only part that is annoying about him is he can’t talk. He always acts like a 4 year old. When I met him in person he had his friend Calvin there with him. He seemed nice. Then Petey started squealing about how he lived in an insane asylum, so… I hit him with Gordon Ramsay’s sledgehammer. He calmed down after that.
Right now as I am typing this I am eating pizza. Sadly I had to order it. When the guy showed up with the pizza I had a seizure and I scared the guy he kicked me. So I locked him in a closet for 2 years. I just found his skeleton in my closet a month ago. So I traumatized little Timmy with it. Then randomly Petey showed up and was like BAHHH!!!!! So I kicked him until he stopped. Then Calvin told me that he bought a taser for me. He said it was for when Petey started making strange noises.
2 weeks ago I went to a trampoline park. It was basically HELL. I had a seizure and I could not stop. The place now calls me the bouncing retard. Then Petey drowned in the foam pit. Then I found a little kid at the bottom of it. I pulled the kid out. It was little Timmy’s little cousin so I took him home and deep fried his legs. I know what you are thinking about what kind of person I am but after I cut off his arms I locked him in a room tied down being forced to watch The Amazing Spider-Man over and over.
3 days ago I went to Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant. 4 people were fired while I was there. Sadly I had to go take little Timmy on his leash. I saw the Amish. They saw me and said DEVIL! and ran at me. Gordon hit them with a dumbbell. So I ordered to go and ran the Amish cars into a lake. Then I stole a Prius. Next I filed a lawsuit on the Amish and I finally won.
Ok so I am in an airport right now, I stole someone’s first class tickets. Then a dog came up to me and started to sniff me so I gave them some flex tape. Then I had to go through this metal box and it started beeping then I had a seizure. Then they thought I had a weapon on me and I was like, “ I have twelve guns and 4 hand grenades.” Do I look like a terrorist? After I got on the plane a mean man said this was his seat so I tied him up in the closet. Finally I could eat a good meal without getting chunked.
After my flight I got off the plane, stole a taxi, and found a hotel. When I went to check in they asked me what I was. So I told them my life story. Then I checked into my room and was disappointed little Timmy could not fit in the freezer. Next I walked outside and… I got crushed by a crane again. So mean people took me to the hospital. Then when they brought the fee I pulled out my SMG. Hey that rhymes. But anyway, I said I would be back so I robbed an ATM and then paid the bill. After that The FBI was in my room. They started shooting me so I pulled out my riot shield and my Assault Rifle and took care of them, only 3 of them got away Alive. Nobody Steals From me the last person to do that disappeared.
After I returned home, we had a lot of snow on the ground. So I spent my afternoon tripping people on the ice. Then I tripped a man that looked like Joseph Stalin. He said “stupid lady” and kicked me. Petey also got run over by a White Van.Then Petey started squealing and rolling around on the floor so I tied him up in a UPS box and shipped him to a cannibal island. I am glad Petey is gone. Then they sent back his bones with a thank you note.
Recently I was accused of murder because I “accidentally” threw a toaster in someone’s shower. It was not a very good prison. I broke out in 2 days by digging through the ground with a titanium spoon. My inmate tried to eat his way through the wall but I shot him before he got too far. As I was digging out of the tunnel I had a seizure and scared some toddlers with my aggressive moans. One looked like he would make a good slave so I kidnapped him. He is now in my closet snorting cocaine.
I was getting annoyed with little Timmy so I sent him to the torture chamber. While I was electrocuting him I had a seizure. I never turned off the electrocutor so he was being electrocuted for 20 hours. I woke up and he was still alive, unfortunately. So I injected heroin into his bloodstream. Then I sent him back to his freezer where he belongs.
I was shopping in my local pawn shop the other day looking for a new whip for little Timmy ( the old one was getting soft) while I was there and I had a seizure and whipped the worker 34 times. He got mad and dumped his years worth of bleach on me. I survived against my will as he threw Kung fu panda 3 dvds at me. I deflected them with my whip. Then Perry the platypus showed along with Dr Doofenshmirtz. They gave me a lecture on how pineapples cause global warming and geese are Canadian drones. Then I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands.
After I survived the pawnshop I went into a 7/11 to cool down and drowned the 7/11 worker in the slushy machine. He's a blue raspberry now. Then the police showed up so I pulled out a SubMachine Gun. Then they had a seizure and shot the cardboard cutout of Phil Swift. Then Elmo walked in and shot me with staples. I will keep the story short but it has something to do with a Katana and his head used as a coffee mug.
Then I went home, my mom was at the house. I saw her smoking weed. She was as high as a kite. I was really worried about her (the last time she threw the cat out the window). I felt bad for whiskers, he only has 3 legs and he can’t walk that well. Then dad came home and he was drunk on Tito's vodka. I just went to bed, but dad was playing the drums really loud. I got mad and I took the drum stick out of his hand and threw it, it broke and he threw the cat at me. I took whiskers up with me and I went to bed.
Ok so right now there is a riot going on there is an anti-gay lord with two Uzes and he is op hold on. Sorry I had to duck. Timmy was stabbed in the hands. He'll live. The pizza driver is running over Timmy. This probably won’t be a long story. I am a little occupied with Dr Doofenshmirtz and his mech with his Canadian drones. The. The pawnshop man threw a full-size inflatable Kung fu panda at me. So I cut his toes off. So now I am deciding to throw some grenades at some people. 2 hours later. Ok so the only survivors are the pawnshop man, Timmy, And a wounded Dr Doofenshmirtz but his mech was gone.
This might be it for me. I am driving my stolen Prius with Timmy. I have stopped by every place. Mentioned here they are all following. I have nowhere to go but the nuclear waste plant. I brought a katana and a glock. I stabbed a pizza shop owner through the heart while shoving Dr. Doofenshmirtz into a vat of tar. Timmy and Calvin were shooting at each other. Timmy stabbed him with his pocket knife. The child snorting cocaine was bad, so I decapitated him. The Amish drove their buggy into me, so I ended their lives with one thing, stabbing them with a credit card. I cut pawn a shop man in half, and anti gay lord was drowned in nuclear waste by Timmy, and Timmy’s cousin fell in with him. I pushed Mickey Mouse into a vat of waste like he did me. Then I saw all the mean doctors and burnt them with a flamethrower. I chopped the Joseph Stalin looking guy's Intestines and then strangled him with his small intestine. Then the FBI showed up. I am really getting annoyed with them so I trapped them in the pit of shame which is 40 feet deep. Then the fat hamster that I tried to eat was there so I shoved it down Timmy’s throat. I also put a grenade inside the airplane man's mouth. Then The secret service and the president showed up and they fought like girls as with a combination of my aggressive moans and flamethrower I conquered them. Then the tide pod man ran at me so I Broke his back. Then I heard the Faint British cursing in the background. It was Gordon Ramsay on a chariot made out of all the failing chefs. Once he got off he beat all of them with his sledgehammer. Then my parents showed up and tried to push me into nuclear waste so I pushed them into it instead. It was just me and Gordon Ramsay. We were going at it. He had his sledgehammer and I had my Katana. He knocked me down as he quoted, “It's over Anakin I have the high ground”. I lunged toward the man slicing him through the waist as the frail man rolled over toward the end of a cliff As he quoted “For the lamb sauce” As he rolled over the cliff. Dead. Then It was me and Timmy. I said this is my chance to end it all right here. I knew what I had to do. But first I said to Timmy “Go you are free… He replied thank you. I was joking as I cut his head off. Well this is it I am going to have a seizure and fall off a cliff. I hope you have learned something throughout this book.
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